


It is as it is

by osmalic



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-04
Updated: 2007-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-13 15:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/138701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osmalic/pseuds/osmalic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is winter when Hikaru realizes he is beginning to forget. A ficlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It is as it is

It is winter when Hikaru realizes he is beginning to forget.

He cannot remember Sai's voice. All he can remember is that once, in this playground, Sai had first mocked his ghostly body and had given Hikaru points for throwing a snowball through his head.

It is spring, and Hikaru cannot remember the size of Sai's nose. He thumbs through his Classical Lit collection, stares at old portraits, tries to connect them with Sai. Was it small and pointed? Long and aristocratic? Does it matter?

It is summer and Hikaru feels frantic, ashamed. He looks at Sai's kifus, Torajiro's records, the online games, the ones Hikaru recorded by himself right after he disappeared, and realizes all he remembers vividly are Sai's fingers and his fan. He remembers Sai has long hair, that he wore certain clothing, but remembering them feels like routine, like something he _does_ know as a fact, but not as a memory.

And so, quickly, anxiously, he tells Touya. They sit in the playground for hours as Hikaru talks and talks and talks, sometimes cutting himself off, oftentimes second-guessing himself, always rambling. Touya sits silently, legs pushing himself to and fro the swing as he listens and listens. Only listening.

When he finishes, Hikaru is still not used to the silence, and he tells Touya, almost begging, "I can't remember him alone. He deserves better."

But Touya only shakes his head. "I can't help you remember," he says apologetically. But it is better, for a moment, because it means Touya believes him. Somewhat. Touya says, "Every memory is unique."

Hikaru is in near tears. It is summer, the atmosphere is humid, and he wishes he has a photo of Sai to even remember him by.

"He was more than just Go," he tells Touya.

Touya nods. "Of course, Shindou," he says. "He was your first love."

And Hikaru just stares at him, stunned and shattered. How awful to realize a love only when you are starting to forget it.


End file.
